We all remember our worst moments. Sometimes its something simple like breaking down at home after a long day. Other times you find yourself unable to prevent the unrelenting cascade of negative energy from coming out and hurting those around you. And maybe years will go by without it coming up. But, I guarantee, you will remember. Part of growing as a human is learning how to cope. You either sit up late at night hurting yourself with “what ifs” and solutions too late to enact. Or you isolate the lessons from those events and work on not repeating the same mistakes.

What I think people often lose sight of, myself included, is that you’re allowed to make mistakes. Most times you will only learn valuable lessons from being wrong. Life is a story. Imagine how boring your favorite book would be if there was no conflict, if your main character was just always right and executed every right decision flawlessly. Even if you made it through the whole piece, you’d inevitably have a bad taste left in your mouth. So my advice isn’t to find trauma of course, but act to what you genuinely believe is right and if it leads you astray, learn and grow from it. The only way we all get through the current state of the world, all this hate and neglect and stupidity, is by working together.

For context, I spent my whole life denying my own identity. I remember being a kid and knowing I didn’t relate to the boys around me. I knew that I mainly got along with girls. Even when I played games, I normally chose to be the girl character where I could. I even had moments where I wished I had been born a girl. Even with all the societal and social issues that arise from it, I would have been happier. And yet, I told myself that was wrong because I never had the support or knowledge that I could be something different. Then as an adult, I finally started branching out and experimenting in my sexuality and finding myself. After trying to kill myself (and I finally got access to my employer benefits) I decided to try out HRT and start working on being who I was meant to be.

And let me tell you something, I am so so happy. Taking Estrogen has by far been the best choice I have ever made in my life. I finally feel like myself. I felt better on Estrogen almost instantly compared to when I took anti-depressants for the 6 months prior. What I think I am trying to say is that while attempting to end my life was easily a bad choice, I made it through and pushed myself to make changes so I wouldn’t be back there again. And now, I am happy, feel way hotter and the people around me see that I am doing better.

What I want you to know is that you are valid with whatever identity you choose to assume. You deserve to be happy and healthy and who you truly feel you are. At the end of the day, you owe it to yourself to at least try for the things you want. Regardless of how shitty the world happens to be, we will make it. We will survive and be happy for as long as we can. The pendulum keeps swinging and if this is the down tick, then we’ll be on the up before you know it. So keep pushing. You’ve got this!